everything changes,

Lately, things in life have been.. difficult. As time goes by, people change, situations change; most everything is affected by time in some way. I realize I am stating the obvious, but it's affected me recently more than normal. Friendships I thought I'd always have aren't there anymore, but friendships I never thought i'd have in the first place are blooming into life-long relationships. It's a funny thing, relationships. We are such selfish creatures. Nothing is ever enough, but everything doesn't seem to be good enough either. I feel like lately, these things have been bogging (when I use that word, I feel like i'm british:) me down. I take that back. I know they've been keeping me down. I have not been relying on God. Everything I thought I had was taken away from me and I didn't know what to do with myself. Instead of depending on God, what did I do? Depend on myself. Of course. The sinful thing to do. I am tired of being miserable. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and looking for my self worth in other people. Every time I go down that road, everything is all good and fine for a little while, but that feeling comes back every single time. I feel like i've made the promise to myself so many times of not relying on me anymore and relying on God, but it never seems to follow through. I can't tell you how sick I am of that. It's not fair to live like that. I can't promise someone whom I call my Savior my life, and then give Him some things, but keep the others for myself. That's not how it should be. I'm tired of living this way. I'm tired of letting Satan have his grip on me. It isn't enough and it never will be.