love

love is simple,
love is never easy.
love is breaking hearts,
love will make one uneasy.
love will bring tears your eyes,
love will fill you with joy.
love will reveal lies,
love can destroy.
love is something that only the Heavenly father allows,
love is something that He allows us to enjoy.
love can be peaceful,
love can be magical.
love is never simple,
love is never easy.
love is.

everything changes,

Lately, things in life have been.. difficult. As time goes by, people change, situations change; most everything is affected by time in some way. I realize I am stating the obvious, but it's affected me recently more than normal. Friendships I thought I'd always have aren't there anymore, but friendships I never thought i'd have in the first place are blooming into life-long relationships. It's a funny thing, relationships. We are such selfish creatures. Nothing is ever enough, but everything doesn't seem to be good enough either. I feel like lately, these things have been bogging (when I use that word, I feel like i'm british:) me down. I take that back. I know they've been keeping me down. I have not been relying on God. Everything I thought I had was taken away from me and I didn't know what to do with myself. Instead of depending on God, what did I do? Depend on myself. Of course. The sinful thing to do. I am tired of being miserable. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself and looking for my self worth in other people. Every time I go down that road, everything is all good and fine for a little while, but that feeling comes back every single time. I feel like i've made the promise to myself so many times of not relying on me anymore and relying on God, but it never seems to follow through. I can't tell you how sick I am of that. It's not fair to live like that. I can't promise someone whom I call my Savior my life, and then give Him some things, but keep the others for myself. That's not how it should be. I'm tired of living this way. I'm tired of letting Satan have his grip on me. It isn't enough and it never will be.

too much to let go of,

today is the day,
a deep breath I take in.
today is the day,
things will finally change.
on my knees,
begging for the courage I so desperately need.
only so much can be taken in,
from the beginning to the end.
she doesn't feel the same way I do,
for it will be something that will never change.
today is the day,
I finally let go.
She was the first,
she will be the last,
that ever got the best of me.
She said she cared for me so,
then turned her back,
and ignored my plea.
today is the day,
where even though I will never understand,
I am finally okay.
because I am free of her,
and can finally breathe again.

this is how I feel.

You've been here with me,
for so long it seems.
This bond we have,
is something beyond my wildest dreams.
I'm sorry for putting you through this mess i'm in,
for it seemed like it was beyond my means.
I thank you so much,
for I could've never done it on my own.
I love you so much,
you are my best friend and always will be.




I hope you know who you are :)

truly within,

I am not who you think I am,
living a lie that only God and I can see.
So much more beneath the surface exists,
nothing you've ever cared to look at.
I feel cold inside,
something I can no longer control.
He has me under is grasp,
something I am ashamed to admit.
Anger has taken over,
for sadness is no more.
Anger is bubbling over the edge,
something I must have the strength to control.
Impossible to do by myself,
I know I must not depend on myself.
The warring between good and evil has started,
something I can no longer handle.
I am finished with you.
You've tried my patience,
Tested my heart,
I am done.
You've shot me down one too many times,
I am done.
You won this war,
I am no more.

a deep breath I take in,
this task at hand is a must,
for I am tired of feeling so dumb.
all of my afflictions aside,
you have no idea how it feels,
to feel so numb.
my heart doesn't matter to you anymore,
these feelings I feel will never be replaced,
for these things above I feel in my core.
You hurt me so,
you care no more,
leave me be for now,
for I cannot handle anymore.