Tuesday, September 29, 2009

photography


So recently, in taking tons of pictures for both my highschool newspaper and yearbook, i've discovered a new passion of mine. Photography. I've always loved taking pictures, but with the hugely expensive cameras and zoom lenses that I get to use, i've discovered it's even more fun taking pictures with that equipment. My favorite thing to take pictures of is swim and dive. It's crazy how good some of the pictures come out. For example, here's one:

Saturday, September 19, 2009

beating hearts

tied together in a perfect bow,
you and me were.
little did we know,
things were soon to be broken.
A shattered heart I had, never had I felt so low.

tied together with a smile,
you said you loved me so.
as I sit here now,
Never have I felt so low.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

about the truth

Do I really worship God?

Do I 'worship' him with my mouth, or with my actions?

Do I 'worship' him with the song of my lips, or the song of my life?

Do I 'worship' him for 20 minutes on Sunday morning, or do I worship Him all day, every day?

Do I 'worship' him thinking that He can't see right through me, or do I acknowledge him for the God he is?

Do I 'worship' him with sin in my heart, or do I worship him with a repentant heart?

Do I 'worship' him with my nose in the air, or my face on the ground?

Do I 'worship' him with my fleshly deception, or in spirit and truth?

Is my faith dead, or am I a living sacrifice?

Do I really worship God?


I need to think about this every single day. Because if i'm not, then I have a problem.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

it's taking me down; He's taking me down.

I feel terrible right now. These past few weeks have been nothing but craziness, and after a day like this, all I feel like doing is curling into a ball and shedding every tear I have in my body. It seems everything in my life right now is falling apart. Certain relationships, certain situations... I just don't know what to do anymore. Lately me and one of my really close friends were talking and I just couldn't stand it anymore. I feel like he's always (figures. it WOULD be a guy) pointing out my flaws. From my habits and how I tend to be pessimistic at times to the little things I do, so many of the different things I do he seems to have an issue with. In my family, we're financially struggling (then again, who isn't?) and it just seems to add to the stress of everything else. Every little thing I say or they say sets one of us off, and the next thing you know, we're all in bad moods in the midst of fights. It's only second week of school and I already feel myself being worn thin. From newspaper and yearbook editor meetings to the the square root of pie, I am already feeling exhausted. Just writing this right now, I feel like weeping. I don't know what to do. God seems to be farther and farther away, and I don't know what to do about it.

Monday, July 6, 2009

summcamp 2009

Each year after summer camp, I always think it's good to look over my notes and think and pray over everything that i've taken in during those five or so days. Then, I write a reflection of sorts. So... here goes.
This year, I was sort of skeptical about our speaker. Usually with speakers, they're all typically incredible, but from time to time, they can tend to be a little hit and miss. However, as Eric House said "with Smedly Yates as a name... how could he not be awesome? His name is Smedly!" And I have to concur with that statement. On the first night he was speaking about the Domain of Darkness and the Kingdom of a Son. Obviously, those two places are complete opposites, and he pointed out several verses that reinforced that fact even more. He was saying that these two kingdoms are mutually exclusive, and that there is zero neutrality and that you belong to only one. As humans, I feel like at times, all of our relationships with Jesus is so constantly up and down. And a lot of time, I think a lot of us feel like we're in the middle. We give some things in our life to God, but not all. And that's the problem. You either have to be so incredibly sold out for God that He is what you breathe, speak and live or you're not truly on of His. That's how it has to be. There's no middle ground in being a follower of Jesus Christ. One of the biggest thing that Christ taught me during camp was the fact that I wasn't living my life totally sold out for Christ like I should be as a professing follower of Christ. Growing up in a Christian home like I did is somewhat of a blessing and a curse at the same time. I have all the necessary head knowledge. I know what to say, act like and do, but living my life that way is a different story. Actions reveal our heart, and my actions weren't revealing what I wanted them to reveal. If we're faking it on the outside in our relationship with God and aren't obedient, it'll eventually lead to false assurance. When he said that, it scared me so much because that's how I was living. Have you ever been in sin for a long time and realized that you were living in it and didn't do anything about it? That was me, is me. I knew living the way I was living was so wrong... yet I continued to live that way in defiance torward God. At first, in living that way, in almost feels like getting away from God is working... but in the end, it only eats away at you, bit by bit. In the end, you've only sufferend and endured what you thought was worth it.
The idea of hell is something that i've never truly allowed myself to deeply think about; until camp that is. In our world, the idea of hell is made out to be a somewhat comical matter. People seem to be able to use the word hell in just about every sentence. However, as our speaker pointed out, Jesus believes in a real literal place called hell, where unrepentant sinners will endure the wrath of God without relief, forever. That realtiy hit me so hard. You cannot avoid God in eternity; there is zero escape. Because God is infinitely good, he will will leave no sin unpunished. Thinking about hell forever will motivate compassion for others. Instead of rebuking people in our lives for how they walk, talk and act like we so often do (at least I know I do), think about whether or not based on what you've seen in there life if there going to hell or not.
Faith: A gift from God. A god-given desire and desperate relization that we need rescue. Without that, our relationship with Jesus Christ will never be complete.
God doesn't want us destroying our lives with idols. Nothing under the sun has the ability to give us the ultimate satisfaction that is necessary in our lives like Jesus Christ can. In my life, I didn't realize that for quite a while. Living my life in such a way that was so selfish and wordly. Without Christ in our lives, deep within our soul, the world's ways will never fail to look attractive. It's our human nature. It's how we were made. But once you have Christ in your life, those wants will slowly melt away. It won't be easy, but you won't be living the same life you were living before. Realizing all of this is everything i've ever needed to know.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

falling out of place

Have you ever met someone that you just want so badly to have a relationship with? Everything about them is the epitome of what you think you need. Everything about them is everything you are. Who they are now, who they want to be in the future, what they believe, and what they're passionate about. That's how I feel right now. But those feelings shouldn't be like that for me right now. I hate being a teenager. I can't think clearly. My feelings over rule everything in my life most days. I never know what I want. It gives me hell. God, please help me.

Monday, June 8, 2009

I am

I am me.
I am a child of the creator.
I am merely only a person, full of sinful nature,
and things only a God such as mine can forgive.

I am me.
Full of lies and envy,
toward others who will never forgive me.
My Lord, the righteous one, is the only one who will ever be able to forgive me for what I have done.
I am me.
A child of my Lord, Jesus Christ.