too much to let go of,

today is the day,
a deep breath I take in.
today is the day,
things will finally change.
on my knees,
begging for the courage I so desperately need.
only so much can be taken in,
from the beginning to the end.
she doesn't feel the same way I do,
for it will be something that will never change.
today is the day,
I finally let go.
She was the first,
she will be the last,
that ever got the best of me.
She said she cared for me so,
then turned her back,
and ignored my plea.
today is the day,
where even though I will never understand,
I am finally okay.
because I am free of her,
and can finally breathe again.

this is how I feel.

You've been here with me,
for so long it seems.
This bond we have,
is something beyond my wildest dreams.
I'm sorry for putting you through this mess i'm in,
for it seemed like it was beyond my means.
I thank you so much,
for I could've never done it on my own.
I love you so much,
you are my best friend and always will be.




I hope you know who you are :)

truly within,

I am not who you think I am,
living a lie that only God and I can see.
So much more beneath the surface exists,
nothing you've ever cared to look at.
I feel cold inside,
something I can no longer control.
He has me under is grasp,
something I am ashamed to admit.
Anger has taken over,
for sadness is no more.
Anger is bubbling over the edge,
something I must have the strength to control.
Impossible to do by myself,
I know I must not depend on myself.
The warring between good and evil has started,
something I can no longer handle.
I am finished with you.
You've tried my patience,
Tested my heart,
I am done.
You've shot me down one too many times,
I am done.
You won this war,
I am no more.

a deep breath I take in,
this task at hand is a must,
for I am tired of feeling so dumb.
all of my afflictions aside,
you have no idea how it feels,
to feel so numb.
my heart doesn't matter to you anymore,
these feelings I feel will never be replaced,
for these things above I feel in my core.
You hurt me so,
you care no more,
leave me be for now,
for I cannot handle anymore.

from the bottom of my heart,

tears welling up in my eyes,
I wish I knew what I have done,
if only you would realize.
Pain is something I wish I could prevent,
for I hope things will go back to the way they were,
if only I could make you content.
Faking all of this is something I can no longer do,
I hope that you know how much I love you.

words for the sorrowful.

we've got some thing to sort out,
even though you'd never admit,
so caught up in your world to admit your own doubt.
i'm tired of living this lie,
it's holding me down,
it's not something I can deny.
you and I,
we were close as can be,
but now,
I finally see you never could really see the difference between you and me.
____________________________________________
two friends, lives so close,
how did it all end up like this,
only God knows.
You said you needed time,
I was never good enough,
you said you needed time to shine.
Now that I sit here now,
I only feel deprived of that relationship we once had,
I beg you to tell me what i've done,
because never have I felt so bad.

it's coming down to nothing more than apathy,

I am tired of being pessimistic and apathetic. My attitude on most everything has changed, and I want to fix it. People tell me all the time that I am and i'm sick of it. God created me to be a person filled with Him and His light, not a person with the absence of Him and His light. I used to be such a happy person, and something broke inside of me. I'm not that person anymore, and that needs to change. People telling me this all the freaking time made me realize this. I can't help it if I have morals- it's who I am. If people have an issue with that, they need to either address it or move on. That is never going to change. What is going to change is me and my over-all attitude on life. I'm determined.